The Mothership

I am Stacey and I am the crazy (perhaps literally) mother of 2 girls.  I am miraculously married cuz’ believe me, I am difficult.   Sarcasm is definitely my super power.  Momming is definitely NOT my superpower.  I am the mothership, together with my fabulous (crazyass) husband, leading our fleet to bliss or disaster 24/7.

I’m a little hippie and a lot of je ne sais quoi.  My interests are like my bucket list, a ton of things I hope I have the time or courage to do someday.  I always have hope!

I am inspired by tiny home living, sustainability, good beer, homesteading, homeschooling, good beer, simple living, organic gardening, off grid living, and good beer.  I am not actively doing any of these things, well, except drinking good beer (blush).  BUT, I aspire to do ALL of these things.  I like to think big, or as my husband would say, unrealistic, but I’m a Gemini with lofty goals, so step aside while I die trying.

I tried homeschooling once, just once.  I quickly discovered that neither myself or my oldest daughter was well served by that experiment (disaster).  I still love the idea and wish I had it in me, but I have come to accept the fact that it just isn’t.  But I am always hopeful that it could all change tomorrow and my anxiety and depression would be HEALED and I would be gifted with nerves of steel and the patience of saints.  But for now I have found a loving holistic school for my girls that gives them a kind of homeschool away from home vibe.  Problem solved.

How I came to motherhood.  I woke up one morning and decided I wanted kids. I never liked kids, nor wanted kids before.  Never even imagined what it would be like to have them.  Then, sometime around the age of 33 I did what I so often do.  I change my mind about something and I change it hot and fast.  I am the epitome of a Gemini personality.  So I sat down with my husband (I thought I’d never get married either) and totally freaked him out with a conversation about wanting to have a child.  Luckily I married a very patient and understanding man (probably to a fault) who quickly realized that to stay married to me was to be able to quickly change gears and plow forward on a new path.

15+ years and 2 children later we are still trekking this prickly (and now not so new) path.  And when I say trekking I really mean something akin to an Indiana Jones adventure of parenthood.  It’s messy, dirty, sweaty, exhausting, dangerous, and unrelenting.  It’s full of surprises (good and bad), pitfalls, downpours, quicksand, and an occasional romance scene (very occasional).   And I’m about as graceful at it as a Monty Python character.  Yes parenthood isn’t for everyone, and certainly not the weak of heart.  To be truthful, it’s probably not for me, but here I am living the dream (tongue in cheek).  I’m here to share my journey as a mom living with Persistent Depressive Disorder, past, present, and future.

This is a blog about beautiful imperfection, stories of human failures (well my failures) and successes (yes they happen), clawing my way to where I want to be (or think I want to be), and a place free of mother judgments (huge pet peeve).  Don’t even get me started on mother judgers!  So I’m going to say ohm (I said I was a little new agey), take a deep breath, visualize peace and grab a beer (or wine) while I share my mothership of madness with anyone who can relate or just has nothing better to do.